Children After Sunset

There are vampires, werewolves, banshees, and many other ghouls of these sorts that roam the night time, coming out in the full moon, ravaging and plundering places where young men like me like to stroll about.

But nothing is as terrible as coming across high school kids at places they shouldn't be, such as places I like to be...

Nothing is more unnerving than when standing in line at a Starbucks a bunch of squealing high school kids stroll in, with their GAP clothing, their pubescent voices all high and shrill dressed in clothing that would make even the most whorish of all sorority girls retch a little in their mouths; being all giggly like most chicks in bad Japanese anime. Seriously, why should I have to put up with these teenage "people" who think they're cool because they're at a Starbucks? I don't want to stand in line and listen to them talk about how Matt stood them up at the local "cool place" where the pizza is so "saucy"! Frankly, all teenagers in Starbucks are stupid. I'm at a Starbucks because I need to binge on caffeine because I've been up for the past friggin' two days trying to study, and tonight I decide to chill over a cup of vanilla mocha with a few friends. I'm at the Starbucks because I've nothing better to do, and am too lazy to make my own coffee, not because its "cool". Who the hell thinks its cool to sip on coffee that will eventually turn your blood brown and probably bleeds out of your ears when your asleep?

Who besides teenagers with nothing useful filling up their brain thinks that cool?

Here's a story: two friends of mine, a guy and girl, are just chilling at a Barnes & Nobles reading photography books because that's their major; anyone familiar with photography knows there will be a few pictures that are nude. They're just sitting and reading when a group of 12 year old girls accosts them with a camera and starts to interview them about why they're looking for porn.

...who, besides teenagers with useless brains, would think Barnes & Nobles would so openly have pornography on their shelves?

I can't even go to a park and lie on the grass without some pubescent punk-ass coming up to me and asking me if I could loan him a couple of bucks to get into a skate-park; or, when at a store some dumb-ass high schoolers bad-mouth me because I won't buy them some shitty beer.

First of all, I'm a college student; unlike most teenagers I no longer have the privilege of asking openly for money from my parents with a pout and puppy-dog eyes. As a result I'm most often broke and have to survive of left-over Taco Bell chalupas.

Secondly, I'm not 21, so I can't by alcohol legally. Also, I'm smart enough to know that beer is the shittiest form of alcohol. But do dumb ass teenagers understand this? No!

Their heads are so full of teen angst that they make PMS-ing women look like Mother Theresas.

But I have a solution to this problem: I propose a law that requires all people from ages 12-17 years old not be allowed outside after sunset.

That way we, the young and swinging youthful college-goers won't have to suffer from the suffocating stench of the smoke that is teenage angst.

Vive la revolution!